When your Wali introduces you to a marriage proposal and you are in front of the man who may or may it be your husband, then don’t be shy to ask these ten questions! It is your right and important for sisters to ensure they make the right decisions. It won’t hurt him if he is true and sincere. What it will do is reinforce in him that he is sitting in front of a respectable pious sister with Emaan and Tawqa! If a brother is put off by this line of questioning, then he is not for you! Don’t compromise, because this will have an impact in your life later and upon the children if you are blessed with them. So my advice is be firm and be sincere and develop a dialogue of understanding. Ideally ask the questions in a room where everyone can be safe and visible, try not to go into a room alone, as the purpose of the exercise will be lost and distractions will come in the way! Try to dress in full clothes like you pray in as he must see you are a religiously minded “wife” and not willing to compromise when it comes to being a Muslim!
1. Are you a practising Muslim? ie pray 5 Salah at local Majid? Or home?
2. How well do you read the Qur’an? Do you understand the meaning?
3. Do you practise the Sunnah?
4. Do you believe in giving the wife or Husband their full rights according to Islam?
5. How often do you Fast in the month of Ramadan? All or some or none?
6. Have you performed Umra or Hajj?
7. What are your expectations in a marriage?
8. Do you intend to live in same house as Parents or separate?
9. What are your views about seeing and meeting with own Parents?
10. Are your Parents steadfast in their beliefs and Worship?
11. What makes you angry? When was the last time you lost your temper?
12. What makes you happy? What made you happy yesterday?
13. What do you do in your spare time, have you got any hobbies or interests?
From the answers that he gives, judge for yourself if this match is suitable and will he make a great life partner for you! Will he motivate you or harass you over these fundermental religious matters, is he soft spoken or has anger in him, does he smile, is he grumpy, study his reaction and his body gestures and look momentarily at his eyes and see if he is looking at you or looking at the floor or around? is he nervous? All these are great signs to look at that give you an understanding of the person’s manners and behaviour. Remember you are in the driving seat here! If he is nervous, maybe he is shy or does not feel comfortable in front of his Parents? Or he is nervous because he is lying… See how he answers it.. See how his Mother or Father reacts if you ask in front if them.. Sometimes that plays a very large part in who is the “boss”
Hope it makes sense!
Now, if after all the “interrogation” he has given you the answers that you were expecting and happy with, then that is a positive sign and be assured that he will make In Shaa Allah a good Muslim Husband and someone who will be a motivator, a mentor and a coach at the same time as being your partner, lover and husband.
Anyone needing some further advice, please send me a private message. Any other questions you feel that should be asked at this meeting? Share them here! Jazak Allah Khair
Remembrance of Allah 